Where am I ranked?

Over the last couple of days we have read about rank and our rightful place in the community.  How does a priest with his special vows fit in?  Artists have special gifts.  Do they receive special rank and privilege?  The disciples asked Jesus who would sit at his right hand.  We all want to be at the head of the line, to sit in the front seat, and to know that our expertise ranks us before others.

As I contemplated returning to work, I wondered whether I should embark on a new path, but it was this very aspect of getting in the back of the line and starting at the bottom, that held me back from beginning again.  I like knowing that the time I have spent on my craft has given me competence and seniority.  However, I must remember thought that it is time on task and not necessarily innate gifts that have moved me to front of the line; I have no special right to my rank.  And this is the criterion Benedict uses.  You are ranked by time on task.  Living the Rule, building the habits of living a life a certain way, should manifest itself in a Christ centered life.  The time spent making and correcting mistakes, practicing an attitude of faith and stability, observing obedience to the Rule and to the community leaders: these make us wise. 

In addition, these passages on rank speak to the relationship between the individual and the community.  Each individual nourishes his/her own gifts, and follows a path that nurtures the person God created us to be.  However, doing this is not about us; this is about our place in the community; this is about the work God has set about for us to do.  To nurture our own gifts – whether it is mechanics or art or writing or organizing files or weeding a garden – glorifies God and services the communities in which we live.  For really, we are not what we do; we are who God made us to be. 

Sr. Joan gives a series of questions to ask ourselves as we assess whether we are in the right place and following the right path:  Is this place calling out the best in me?  Is this where I fit?  Is this the place where I can best be what God created me to be?  Is this the path on which I see the footsteps of God most clearly in front of me?

So, as I return to the world of work, leaving the safety and stability of home, I pray that I remember that the work is not about me or for me.  I pray that I remember that work is to be balanced with prayer and rest.  I pray that I move slowly into the world so that I am able to see where God leads and hear the voice of God in those around me.  I pray that as I open my lips my voice shall proclaim the words of our Lord.

Bev Olsen

Stability and the sacred

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Let the oratory be what it is called, and let nothing else be done or stored there.  St. Benedict (2011-04-30). The Rule of St. Benedict (Kindle Location 846). PlanetMonk Books. Kindle Edition.

 

Sr. Joan quotes a Sanskrit epigram:  Necessity changes the course never the goal.  Benedict speaks of keeping the prayers even when on a journey, keeping the spirit of the rule even when the letter must be adjusted.  Our spirituality creates stability in the midst of chaos; it leavens life. 

I have read this at least nine times, but this is the first time I put these words in the right order.  Spirituality has been something I have turned to in the midst of chaos, seeking meaning and stability in the midst of turbulent seas, or so I believed.  In the hospital, I would turn on music to center myself, and I would breath through the headaches.  As I have struggled to slow my pace and curb my impatience with the healing process and my own fragility, I walk and focus on the breath. 

In the past few months, I have come to acknowledge the closeness I came to death; I have confronted the miracle of that day: I heard the voice of angels whispering in my ear that I need help and to get help.  This too created a certain chaos, and I have sought the quiet to reestablish stability. 

However, I have come to realize -- with the help of several spiritual guides -- that the strength and stability of spirit were as much a cause as an effect, that the spiritual space I create is as much an effect as the cause of stability.  The discipline of my spirit have strengthened my soul as the physical exercises have built muscle; I needed both to see me from the bathroom floor to the phone to dial 911; I needed both to survive the bursting aneurysm. 

The space and time of prayer has created in me a right spirit, a clean heart: stability; this enables me.   So now, I work to maintain sacred space and sacred time so that as I journey forward into the world – away from the monastic safety of home – I am enabled.

Our Weaknesses

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If, however, the cause of the offense is secret, let him disclose it to the Abbot alone, or to his spiritual Superiors, who know how to heal their own wounds, and not expose and make public those of others.
 [St. Benedict (2011-04-30). The Rule of St. Benedict (Kindle Locations 791-792). PlanetMonk Books. Kindle Edition.]

Our spiritual elders are to be our confessors, and they are “to heal their own wounds” and make us whole.  These lines brought to mind the image of my aneurysm, which is a bubble in the artery caused by a weakness in the arterial wall.  Our failings and our flaws are the weakness of our character, the bubble in our walls.    

Unfortunately, under duress an aneurysm will burst.  When my aneurysm burst, it took eight weeks to heal well enough to drive and cease napping every day – and I was a lucky victim.   To heal an aneurysm, the surgeon wound a small platinum plug through the arteries in my groin, through my heart, and coiled into the broken part of the artery in my brain.  This plug was coiled into the bubble of the artery and clotting ensued; this clotting, a scab, prevents bleeding and heals the whole caused by the burst. 

Our spiritual advisors or confidants are the surgeons to whom we present our flaw, the weakness in ourselves hidden deep within our conscious.  They will help us work from the actions of our lives into our hearts until we are able to create a patch on our spirit that will enable our spirits to grow in strength and endurance. 

Like physical healing, this kind of healing requires a commitment to the work, a consistent effort at increasing the strength of the muscles, a new lifestyle to maintain healing, and the support necessary to enable the healing.

Quiet Times

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Monks should always be given to silence, especially, however, during the hours of the night.   [St. Benedict (2011-04-30). The Rule of St. Benedict (Kindle Locations 741-742).  PlanetMonk Books. Kindle Edition.]

We’ve been reading over the last few days about the rhythms of the day and of the year.  The rhythm of the season and day dictate the rhythms of work and meals and sleep and prayer.  In today’s world, artificial lights and electricity create infinite day; no one is compelled to stop when night falls.  So this Rule of silence after Compline seems a stronger imperative than ever.

My husband, Craig, has been working extended hours over the last few weeks, and as the days have grown shorter, these days seem longer and his exhaustion at the end of the day seems greater.  Often at the end of his day we have only an hour of time to sit together, yet this hour of quietly sitting with one another feeds and strengthens me.  This hour makes the rest of the hours easier to bear. 

This is our silence after the compline.  And as we move from fall to winter and from ordinary time to Advent, and as the days shorten and darkness seems to overwhelm the light, we should embrace and cherish these moments of quiet.

The Proper Amount

We need enough of the world to feed us! We don’t need too much.  Balance.  I am not good at balance.  I tend to go all speed ahead.  I tend to concentrate 100% … we call it focused. 

But today, I colleague described me – post-surgery—as slower, as walking slower, as talking slower.  In these past few months, I have been forced to rethink the necessity of balance.  My own sense of my fragility makes me walk and talk and move with more care, to move with more awareness of balance.  In the answer is not in the extremes; the answer is not abstinence or gluttony, losing or gaining, thoughtlessness or obsession.  The answer is on the balance beam in between, and this is very hard space for me to find, and it is harder space for me to maintain.

Benedict claims that we do it anyway, without grumbling.  Sr. Joan speaks says that “thoughts affect feelings.”  In today’s lexicon, perception is reality.  Think it, imagine it, make it real.  Here is the real focus: slow down, balance the spirit and the mind and the body, balance the communal and the individual.   Yoga practices do this with breathing and balancing the muscles: the left and the right, the core and the back, the legs and the arms, the inner spirit of breath and the outer strength of solid muscle.  If we balance, and each of us have a unique balance, we do not fall.

Broken Rules

We have been reading about punishments for those monks who have broken the rule.  There are a couple of things that I take with me from these chapters. 

·      To break the rule is to lose your way

·      To follow Christ is the rule.  We tend to break the rule when we listen to our own voice rather than the call of God.

·      Human beings are generally communal.  The monastery is a community that requires obedience and corrects the behavior of those who do not follow the rules.  Choose a community that supports and encourages following the rule.  Choose a community that does not lead you into the temptation to put our own selfish desires first.  Be open to the community’s guidance.

·      We can begin again.  However, when we begin again we start from the beginning.  A couple of years ago I had foot surgery and did not walk for four weeks, and then I walked on crutches, followed by the use of a cane.  When I began to exercise again to build my strength, I had to begin all over again.  I couldn’t start with a 5 mile run, but I built up my strength, endurance and distance over a couple of years.  After I got out of the hospital in September, I could barely walk down the block.  Again, I had to begin at the beginning.  I have been walking almost every day since.  Now I can walk two miles.  I walk slowly, and I still have a long way to go before I can run.  Beginning again takes patience; there doesn’t seem to be any short cut.  So it is when we build the strength and endurance of our spirit.

·      Some pathways work for us and bring us to Christ; some do not.  When a rule of life doesn’t bring us to Christ, we need a new rule; we need to find a new way.  This should be celebrated; this should not be seen as a failure.

New Link

Tom has sent us a new link to a blog called: an inquiring and discerning heart.  Try a visit.