"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates

 "We believe that God is present everywhere and that the eyes of the Lord behold the good and the bad in every place. Let us firmly believe this, especially when we take part in the Work of God. Let us, therefore, always be mindful of what the Prophet saith, 'Serve ye the Lord with fear.' And again, 'Sing ye wisely.' And, “I will sing praise to Thee in the sight of the angels.' Therefore, let us consider how it becometh us to behave in the sight of God and His angels, and let us so stand to sing, that our mind may be in harmony with our voice."
[St. Benedict (2011-04-30). The Rule of St. Benedict (Kindle Locations 548-552). PlanetMonk Books. Kindle Edition. ]


"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.
[Thoreau, Henry David (2012-05-16). Walden (Kindle Locations 1089-1096). Kindle Edition.]

Welcome Morning by Anne Sexton

There is joy
in all:
in the hair I brush each morning,
in the Cannon towel, newly washed,
that I rub my body with each morning,
in the chapel of eggs I cook
each morning,
in the outcry from the kettle
that heats my coffee
each morning,
in the spoon and the chair
that cry "hello there, Anne"
each morning,
in the godhead of the table
that I set my silver, plate, cup upon
each morning.

All this is God,
right here in my pea-green house
each morning
and I mean,
though often forget,
to give thanks,
to faint down by the kitchen table
in a prayer of rejoicing
as the holy birds at the kitchen window
peck into their marriage of seeds.

So while I think of it,
let me paint a thank-you on my palm
for this God, this laughter of the morning,
lest it go unspoken.

The Joy that isn't shared, I've heard,
dies young.

"Welcome Morning" by Anne Sexton, from The Complete Poems of Anne Sexton

Seven Times a Day I will Praise Thee

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As the Prophet saith: “Seven times a day I have given praise to Thee,” this sacred sevenfold number will be fulfilled by us in this wise if we perform the duties of our service at the time of Lauds, Prime, Tierce, Sext, None, Vespers, and Complin; because it was of these day hours that he hath said: “Seven times a day I have given praise to Thee.”

St. Benedict (2011-04-30). The Rule of St. Benedict (Kindle Locations 504-507). PlanetMonk Books. Kindle Edition.

Today is the official first day of summer.  As days grow longer, Benedict shifts the daily schedule to accommodate the seasons so that the structures of prayer – seven times a day – and work and community fit into the season.  As of this month, I have retired from teaching, and I shift from one season of my life to the next.  Yet within this shift remains this same Benedictine balance of prayer, work and community.

In the chaotic two weeks which transition from school season to summer season, from work to retirement -- I rested, I regrouped, I closed out the year and I readied the house.  I also wandered around the house, and sat on the couch, and watched Netflix, and read three romance novels and a murder mystery.  I had lost the underpinnings of my life; I have been adrift and without a clear direction.

With yesterday’s reading, I begin to realign my schedule for the new season.  Prayer – seven times— I mark out my day in 3 to 4 hour increments that fall naturally into the rhythm of work and meals and I name these parts of the day by the liturgy of the hours, for my day is to be marked and measured by prayer; it becomes then the center around which all else revolves.  

But it is a flexible schedule:

Lauds:  Awaken, read, morning prayer, tea

Prime:  Morning stretches and prepare for the day

Terce:  Morning Work

Sext:  Lunch Break

None:  Afternoon Work

Vespers:  Close of workday, evening stretches & work out,

            The Evening Meal: Time with Family

Compline:  Bedtime

In each of the hours, I recite a remembered prayer or listen to a song; this will become the sound track of my day.   In today's reflection, Sr. Joan talks about those prayers and psalms we have memorized, that these are the words we can use when we stop our day to pray.  The important point is to stop. And pray. 

Each day I begin with the reading of the Rule and the psalms; each day I open my calendar and determine my work for the day.  Each day ends in community: time with my husband, phone calls to my children, emails to friends.  As I shift into this new time of life, I pray for God to open before me the direction he would have me go, to give me greater goals.  In the meantime, I follow the Rule, day by day.

Being the least...

“The seventh degree of humility is, when, not only with his tongue he declareth, but also in his inmost soul believeth, that he is the lowest and vilest of men, humbling himself
…” [St. Benedict (2011-04-30). The Rule of St. Benedict (Kindle Locations 414-415). PlanetMonk Books. Kindle Edition.]

This past Wednesday morning, as we met in prayer, we focused on the idea of confessing. And this has been much on mind.

When I was in my early 20’s, during one of those conversations that happen in the midst of a gathering, a guy I knew proceeded to exclaim the importance of maintaining your own car.  I must of guffawed or snorted because he proselytized quite prosaically on the simplicity of the task.  I confessed that I had absolutely no mechanical skill whatsoever, and even so simple a task was beyond me.  Later, we put his teaching skill and my mechanical aptitude to a test.  I ended up with a driveway full of oil, and he agreed I should never again attempt to remove an oil filter.

To confess a lack of mechanical skill required me not at all to humble myself before my peers.  However, now, to confess to my husband that maybe this lack of natural mechanical skill may make it impossible to be the sailor we might wish me to be, this is harder.  This requires me to admit that I may not be able to go with him and do all the things he dreams of doing; I may not be enough.  

Last week, we sailed a race with another couple, and Susan took the wheel.  She was glorious; she was an intrepid driver.   Then, one of the novice drivers on the boat took the wheel, and she sailed with great ease – more ease than I despite all my time on boats.  I envied every bit of her quick skill and her ease.  For a bit that afternoon, that bit of envy morphed into sin. I forgot to rejoice in these wonderful women’s amazing experience and gifts, and I wallowed in my own limitations.

To confess seems to mean more than to acknowledge the wrong action: the wrong action is merely the outward and visible sign of the wrongness in me.  If sin is turning from God, than confession is the act of acknowledge those parts of me that are not turned to God – or those that cannot turn to God – or those do not seem worthy of God – or those I want to keep to myself and do not even want to turn over to God.  And aye there’s the rub.  For in confessing, we are forgiven, and in this forgiveness, Christ makes us perfect; we are enough and Christ makes of us all we need to be.

This doesn’t mean I don’t continue to try to improve my skills, although this is tempting.  Recognizing the great skill of others does not mean I am hopeless.  Rather, I embark on sailing lessons and practice at the wheel with new humility.  I am more aware of my limitations and my need for mentors.  I will try to listen with more care to those with more wisdom.  I will try to accept that learning may take me more time.  I will take this one step at a time, go as far as I can go, and accept that Christ will get me as far as I need to go.

Beginning Again

"Listen, carefully, my child, to the precepts of thy master, and incline the ear of thy heart, and cheerfully receive and faithfully execute the admonitions of thy loving Father, that by the toil of obedience thou mayest return to Him from whom by the sloth of disobedience thou hast gone away." [St. Benedict (2011-04-30). The Rule of St. Benedict (Kindle Locations 149-151). PlanetMonk Books. Kindle Edition.]

Always we begin again to read the rule,  and each time we get a chance to start over . Last Wednesday, Tom took time to review our commitment to our community and our purpose in being part of prayer each Wednesday morning. 

We are committed to “a labor of obedience,” the discipline of seeking God.  We are committed to coming back to God when we drift away, and each of us in the group is a call to one another.  We are committed to daily prayer, in the form of reading the rule and praying – maybe the Daily Office.  We are committed to the study of the Psalms.  We strive to make our weekly meetings work for us and to be a place to share the spiritual work; in this place, we work for one another.  We have confessed both our failings and our struggles, seeking to be witnesses for each other and to aid one another as we come through these rocky places.  We listen to one another, and we provide a space in the world but not of the world to talk about our faith.  We inspire one another; the courage and strength of one of us becomes the courage and strength of each of us.

The Liturgy of the Hours

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Praise God seven times a day: morning prayer (lauds), the little hours (9, noon, three – terce, sext, none), evening prayer (vespers) as the sun sets, compline before bed, and then vigil – when we awaken in the middle of the night.  In a Benedictine Monastery, a bell would mark these hours.  What modern equivalent marks our hours and rings us through our days?  When do we stop and pray?  What is our prayer habit?

Until recently, I have worked in a school, a private Catholic school.  We open each day with prayer about 8 am – this is terce -- and the day closes with prayer around 3 – none, the ninth hour.  These are the little hours, and these community prayers kept me in the presence of God between morning prayer and my evening reading of The Rule. As I have moved out of this routine, I have lost this ritual, and I am seeking new rituals and routines which put this practice back into the rule of my life.

As life changed, I am still adapting to these shifts.  I moved from a school schedule, to a summer schedule, to a time of healing after the aneurysm.  Now I am moving into a new time.  I find myself surprised that I am still struggling to discern the new rules.

In the midst of all this change, I find Benedict’s discussion of times for prayers and schedules of prayers, disconcerting.   I find that I am drifting a bit, and his clearly ordered discipline of prayer seems distant from me right now. 

How do you discipline your prayer?  What is your rule for marking time for prayer as the day progresses?  What rule orders your day?

We shall run the way of God's Commandments

. . . do not at once fly in dismay from the way of salvation, the beginning of which cannot but be narrow. But as we advance in the religious life and faith, we shall run the way of God’s commandments with expanded hearts and unspeakable sweetness of love; so that never departing from His guidance and persevering in the monastery in His doctrine till death, we may by patience share in the sufferings of Christ, and be found worthy to be coheirs with Him of His kingdom.St. Benedict (2011-04-30). The Rule of St. Benedict (Kindle Locations 194-197). PlanetMonk Books. Kindle Edition.

When beginning a task, the skill and knowledge before us is often daunting.  When Craig and I first married, I had only been on a sailboat once or twice, and then, only to hang on.  However, my husband has been an avid sailor since he was a boy, and this is very much a part of the very fabric of his soul.  So, over the years, I have been learning to sail.  However, I have absolutely no natural gifts or talents or intuition about mechanics or physics.  The very structure of a boat, at first, seemed like a foreign land in which a foreign language was spoken.  Craig assured me that over time I would absorb this knowledge.  Honestly, in the beginning, I had very little faith.

“Do not fly in dismay.”  As we begin again our trek through the rules, I remember the dismay – and a little cynical laughter – which accompanied our first readings.  All you have to do is . . .  These words seemed overwhelming.  The beginning always seems daunting.  However, the rules are not about doing and not doing; the rules are about being a certain kind of person.  Reading the rules over and over – three times a year Benedict requires –  reading and rereading the terms, the language, the way of thinking and being – this gets soaked up and becomes apart of you.   “You shall learn to run the way of God’s Commandments . . .”

Last year I took a sailing class to learn to sail at the helm rather than under the direction of my captain – Craig.  I was surprised to discover that I understood the illustrations and the descriptions in the text; the instructor was talking in a language I understood.  Over the years, I had absorbed the language of the boat.  I have learned to run with the wind.  I have become a sailor.